15 Mai 2017
“I prefer lots of sex with a bit of chems and not lots of chems with a bit of sex”.
I started to go to chemsexparties since last year. It was something that I had put on my bucket list : “Having a big orgy with at least 2O horny men”. It didn’t last very long before I found myself at a couple’s place who had invited 30 men ready to party and play. Needless to say that the chems I used brought me on a higher level, a euphoric high that lasted 12 hours. The drugs made my sexperience more intense, increased my sexual pleasure, I felt very relaxed and they intensified the connection and intimacy between me and my sexpartners. I could be a slut, I could be a pig and no one would criticize me. Depending on the drugs, I could also be in a love mood but mind the gap between chemistry and pseudo-feelings of love induced by chems.
This experience of new pleasure brought my sexlife on a total other level : I felt connection, sex was harder, rougher, sluttier and more euphoric. It was a whole new exploration of my sexuality, I took it to another higher level. But I was also aware that there could be a destructive side to it. Yes, I am “chems friendly”, it means that some chems to enhance sex are fine but don’t abuse. I prefer lots of sex with a bit of chems and not lots of chems with a bit of sex.
I could be infected with HIV, std’s or Hepatite C, I could be in danger by overdoses, I could be addicted to it and not be able to have regular sex without chems. I wanted chemsex to be part of my sexlife, not in a destructive or addicted way. It had to stay focused on pure physical intensified, maybe re-invented pleasure. I had noticed that not only lots of people around me were involved in chemsexparties, but that there was – and still is – a lack of information and exchange of experience towards men who have sex with other men when it comes to chemsex.
In the UK (London), http://www.davidstuart.org/chemsex-toolkit and in France (Paris), http://www.le190.fr/ provide information for professionals. In Belgium (Brussels), Mathieu organizes a peer to peer group once a month : https://www.facebook.com/talchs/ . “Our aim is to exchange our experience with chems and chemsex in a relaxed and confident way. It’s not a psychological support group but we offer space and time to openly exchange useful information and tools on our personal experience with chemsex”.
I’ve always promoted harm reduction strategies so exchanging information on chems, chemsex and chemsexparties seemed appropriate since healthcare is miles aways from the needs of people involved in chemsex. As someone said : “ I was talking about Tina and the nurse asked me if she was my ex-girlfriend”.
When talking about reducing the harms associated with chemsex, a more Foucauldian approach lies in the recognition of the benefits of moderation. Foucault points out that moderation permits the intensification of pleasure on those rarer occasions in which it is experienced. Moderation is indeed the first issue that comes up when thinking about how experience the best chemsex. Sometimes when going to a chemsexparty, the drugs is exposed like a salad buffet at your local Pizza Hut. Tempting but dangerous.
So how to organize or make sure that your party stays a party of pleasure and sleazy play? What could be possible your harm reduction strategies when you decide to go to a chemsexparty? Prepare a list with names of the men coming to the party. Each time a person takes something, it has to be written down, together with the quantity and the time. At some parties, a person not taking any drugs is designed to watch over the whole setting. At some parties, people are very open about their hiv status, whether hiv is undetectable, whether they take medication and what harm reduction strategies will be set when not using a condom. Some men go for PEP but most of the time, due to the length of the sexmarathon, the delay had expired so using PEP wasn’t usefull anymore.
When taking your hiv-medication you can lose track of time : by missing the usual actions that remind you to take your medication – like waking up, going to bed, brushing your teeth or a total absence of hunger – you might forget to take your medication.
Casting is important, not only some specific profiles for specific kinky play, but also the time setting of the party, the kind of drugs that can be used, is the party strictly condomless etc. Most people are part of a sexnetwork with people they know already. They often mention the coldness of the gayscene and prefer the intimacy and connection of a party. It is easier to openly talk about harm reduction in closed sexnetworks. Fixing what chems and how much will be used can prevent from overdoses.
Setting a time limit can be useful for moderation, which softens the coming down. Most people also plan a chemsex session at the beginning of the weekend so there’s time enough to recover before starting a new week at work.
It’s important to get involved in a more regular, small and confident sexnetwork, at someone’s place, rather than intending anonymous parties you find on different applications anytime.
Most people only do some chemsexparties per year.
Try to avoid to combine different drugs. Leave enough time between the drugs when taking them. Using drugs in combination with other drugs can cause hyperactivity, restlessness, overheating, paranoid feelings and heartbeat trouble.
Try to have some moments where your mind and body can find some rest. Provide a dark space where you can lay down in silence. Or go out for some fresh air.
Avoid coffee, alcohol, black tea, cola and other soft drinks. Drink water, herbal tea or energy drinks.
Try to eat small portions in between, like soft yoghurt, fruit or protein shakes.
Take care of your dental hygiene. Brush your teeth and use mouth flush water.
Have a break of a couple of days : watch some TV or some dvd’s, listen to some music, go to the gym or have a walk in the fresh air. Keep in touch with your friends, go to see friends who are not involved in your sexnetwork. Give yourself activities in order to fight craving.
Foucault mentioned : “Doctors, psychiatrists, and even liberation movements, have always spoken about desire, and never about pleasure. "We have to liberate our desire," they say. No! We have to create new pleasure. And then maybe desire will follow ». Michel Foucault in “Sex, power and the politics of identity”.
Know the chems you use and which chems work for you, read about in on different websites which effects they can cause. Don’t do chems when not feeling good. Be surrounded by people you trust. Start with small doses. It’s a sexparty, keep it sleazy and safe. And remember : using chems with moderation is also being responsible for you and your sexmates. Enjoy the party, I surely do!
More information can be found on : http://mainline-eng.blogbird.nl/uploads/mainline-eng/Tina_And_Slamming_ENG_compressed2.pdf